Boozeabus’ Epiphany Benediction

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Brothers and Sisters in Zen Boozeism,

Even though every day is cause for a celebration of some sort, this day, January 6th, is a little bit more so special than most.

What is so special about this January 6th you may be asking?

Firstly, it’s a day, and that’s cause enough for celebrations, as previously mentioned. Secondly, it’s a holiday, which is a day of even special-er importance than usual and which we also mentioned.

On this day, January 6th, people of many faiths celebrate The Epiphany sometimes called Three Kings Day. Biblically speaking, The Epiphany is when the three Magi paid a visit to the baby Jesus and confirmed that he was indeed God made flesh.

Non-Biblically speaking this holiday features wizards. Three wizards, in fact. Not a lot of holidays feature wizards these days so it’s important that the modern adept takes what they can get in terms of official holiday recognition.

Today we use the word ‘epiphany’ to describe a moment when someone’s head slides a little bit more out their ass, and they then make a profound realization that they should have already known all along but didn’t on account of circumstances and situations that foster self-pity rather than inner-emancipation. This is a situation we have all found ourselves in at some point; I think we can all agree on that.

It is the job, or used to be the job, of religions to assist a person in dealing with the metaphysical mess that is this dimension. While Zen Boozeism isn’t a religion, strictly speaking, it is sort of like one, and in that respect, a Zen Boozeist has the option of celebrating The Epiphany in the traditional manner. The traditional manner, of course being, the consumption of booze while contemplating the mysteries of this fascinating yet frustrating existence instead of one’s petty personal bullshit.

When a Zen Boozeist celebrates the epiphany, they celebrate those tiny moments where they got over themselves and their head moved inch by inch slowly out of their ass until they were able to see through their internal web of lies and excuses and grasp, however briefly, the truth of the situation.

To honor this process of inner-illumination via noggin-rectal egress it is traditional for many Booze Wizards to pass over the dark liquors, such as whiskey, and partake instead from the family of clear boozes, such as gin.

The clarity of the booze is a symbol of truth and inner honesty to the Booze Wizard. It’s see-through-ness reminds the Booze Wizard that things must be clear in order to be known. “Oportet cognosci potest.” is how one would say it in Latin, if one so desires.

So, on this day which has been set aside to contemplate the wondrous process of epiphanies why don’t you consider sitting down with yourself, having a drink of clear truth-laden booze and think about how you can be less of a jack ass during this year.

Yours in Booze,

B.F. Smith


Boozeabus Fermentacelus Smith – B. F. Smith, also known as “The Alchemist of the Blues” is a time traveling Bluesman/Alchemist and founder of “Zen Boozeism- The Path of the Booze Wizard.” When he’s not investigating chrno-anomalies or having the blues, he runs a mail order mystery school which mails out mysteries to those enrolled.
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