Help wanted – Able bodied individual needed to move heavy objects down to the airport. Must enjoy the sight of blood.
Lose Weight Fast! Recent advancements in tapeworm breeding are making it all possible. Call now!
For Sale- Stationary moped. Lightly used, mostly original parts. Low mileage.
Wanted- Player piano for introvert’s birthday party. Must know “Happy Birthday” in D minor.
Missed Connections- You: Half-naked and obviously intoxicated to the point of needing help from local law enforcement. Me: Ambulance driver/ Burger King cashier. I wrote my phone number on your leg. Please call.
Wanted- Siamese twin seeks same for sesquicentennial celebration.
Free to Good Home- 23,456 various non-venomous spiders.
Missed Connection- You: ambulance driver/Burger King cashier. Me: you wrote your number on my leg, but it had to be amputated. Meet me any day this week between the hours of 9am and 4pm. I teach at Mrs. Crumblebert’s School of Dance.
Available- Professional Fish* Sitter. Do you own fish and think that means you’ll never take a vacation again? Fish ownership used to mean that. Used to. I am an A.M.T (certified aquarium maintenance technician) and I’m made of 90% water, so I understand your pets needs. Willing to go anywhere I can walk to.
* Also Turtles