Mystical Merwin Psychic Pet, Pet Psychic

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Dear Merwin,

I’ve moved to a new city, and would like to host a party for all of the new cat friends I’ve made in my new apartment building. I already plan to have the Scrabble board all set up, and if things get slow, I’ve got an important Word doc I could try to work on. Do you have any good recipe ideas?Thanks in advance!
Sally in New Mexico

Dear Sally,
Bacon. Crispy bacon that is broken into tiny bits. Lots of it.

Dear Merwin,

I’ve heard that animals, and cats specifically, remember and carry the knowledge of Lost Atlantis. I was not receptive to this information at the time; I was looking for a cheap way to diagnose a kidney infection. (It turned out to be a kidney infection. RIP, Rickles.) So…. What are your thoughts on Atlantis?Signed,
Belated

Dear Belated,

Thank you for your interesting question. Please accept my condolences on the loss of Rickles. Even though you didn’t ask me to I went ahead and contacted his spirit, which is now residing in Catlantis, a secret paradise for cats only that I shouldn’t have told you about. Too late now, it seems the cat is out of the bag on this one!

At any rate Rickles sends his love and wants you to know everything is great in Catlantis. He plans to spend a few of his remaining lifetimes there and said he might see you again. He’s also been taking a class in practical dream traveling. So keep your eyes closed and fingers crossed!

I, like most cats, have been to both Catlantis and Atlantis. Atlantis was nothing like how people describe it. It’s a dump. I even channeled Madame Blavatsky for a human perspective on Atlantis, and was not impressed with what she had to say. Good Lord, could that woman ramble on and on! Have you ever tried to listen to her once she gets on a roll?

Personally, I consider Atlantis to be an unnecessary and silly morality tale which is meant to keep you people believing progress must come with evil, selfish overtones and side effects and that arrogance is a natural extension of evolution.

Hope that helped, remember opinions are like tails…everyone has one.

                                                     (except for Manx, they’re completely indifferent – ed.)

Dear Merwin,

My new girlfriend insists on using the litter box when she’s sleeping over. She says she spent years living in the wild with a pack of cats, because of tax purposes, and this is the most sensitive, thoughtful way that she has to connect with others. I’m not so sure. I pee in some weird places but only because it’s convenient, not because of some weird unresolved tax issue. Is there anyway I can do anything to make using the human bathroom more appealing?

WTF in NYC

Dear WTF in NYC,

Some days I wonder why I got into this psychic pet business, then I get a letter like this. First of all, your girlfriend is a human and also not a pet. Since this is the case, I was unable to contact her spirit guides or visit her in the Catstral Plane.

That being said, nobody does stuff like that JUST for tax reasons. I know some pretty weird cats (slang for people) and they all use the people litter box. How would you feel if I were visiting you and needed to go to the bathroom and instead of using the litter box like the other cats (this time I’m referring to cats), I stood up and used your toilet?

You’d probably feel weird and uncomfortable. That’s exactly how your cat, Medona, feels. I was able to talk to her in our spirit forms and she told me that the tax reason is a lie. Medona also asked me to let you know that she isn’t too found of this new one and if you don’t do something about her descrating her little box, she will.

 

merwinMerwin Smith has been a professional psychic pet his entire life. Even though he realized his gifts at an early age, he didn’t start pet psychic-ing professionally until 20 years ago.

He quickly became the darling of the pet psychic scene and was one of the most requested readers at “The Psychic Pet Pet Psychic Shack”.

If you have a question about your pet, you can email Merwin at: merwin@saturdayeveningghost.com

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