Community Corner May 27th Edition

Help Wanted and Career Opportunities

Are you a defrocked Catholic Priest? If so, you should be aware that the Transubstantiation industry has grown 200% over the last year! People of all walks of life have a need to change one substance into another via nonsensical muttering. Call now! Start working tomorrow! (Consubstantiators need not apply.) 976-555-5555

I need to hire someone to help make my boyfriend’s dream come true next week on 6/1/17. I need someone gassy to to hide under our bed and fart as much as possible while he makes love to me. $50 (plus a $10 bean budget) for less than two minutes work. Call 555-963-3693. Ask for Michael. If Lance answers, hang up. We have to share a phone, I don’t like it either.

Do you own or are you willing to steal a car? Newber is hiring drivers in your area. We offer low pay, frustrating work hours, and no support from your supervisors. As an independent contractor you’ll be able to almost re-coup your expenses!

For Sale

A Soul. I’m not using it and need to pay my traffic fines. 555-789-1011. Ask for Janis.

Wanted to Buy

Keys. Do you have piles of used keys laying around that you don’t want to throw away? Call me right now! I pay top dollar for all used keys. Alan 555-555-6547

Souls. Are you not using yours? Why not get some cash then? I appear at the crossroads every other full moon. Ask for Rodger.

You got the Motts? I’m looking for the Motts. Hit me up, txt ok. 555-000-0070

Used soiled socks, must be soiled. No exceptions. Top $$$. Male or Female, all races. More info: H.H. c/o P.O. Box 45, Princeton NJ.

Other

Inventor seeks funding to develop a prototype of my invention, “The Can’t Opener”. 555-925-6666 Ask For May.

Do you have anything you’d like to let everyone know about? If so, contact the SEG Community Corner at saturdayeveningghost@gmail.com

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