Greetings, Doomed Monkeys! It’s good old Uncle Mort back with this week’s monkey shines (doomed monkey shines?). Speaking of monkey shines, those little scamps Jimmy Jam and Sally Slam are still trying to get themselves of out of a hell of a situation. Get your paperwork in on time, kids. The government doesn’t mess around. Earthy, astral or otherwise. Ray and the gang are still getting to the bottom of their fishy situation and Stella is here with your horoscopes for this month. Jeez, what got into her incense? You can stop holding your breath, friends. Gary and Stephanie are back with this week’s Page Five Ghoul. Looks like they’re up the river this time! All this is brought to you by our friends down at the Women’s Pants Emporium. Until next week, boys and girls, Armadillidiidae!