Greetings, Doomed Monkeys. It’s Uncle Mort back with another batten down the hatches, all hands on deck, three sheets to the wind edition of the Saturday Evening Ghost. It’s been a whole six months, can you believe it? Time flies when you have deadlines. This week Boozebus is back to distill the facts about Alchemy, for all the wizlings and wizlets at home. Merwin’s on the prowl with some handy advice that won’t leave you in the dark. A. Wizard drops by in visible and invisible form. On the latter, he interviews SEG’s very own self-help guru, Hugo Holmesnow, for some reason. The Joneses have found themselves down a hole in this month’s The Joneses. And as always the kids from the Page Five Ghouls are outstanding in their field. All is brought to you by our sponsors, Lig-a-Mintz. They’re not just horsing around. Have fun, kids. And stay up as late as you want. Until next time, attitudinarianism!